how I told my boyfriend he was going to be a dad

His voice was nervous, even a little shaky.  Even though I couldn't see him I could hear his trepidation over the phone.

"So how did it go?  Did you find out?  What did they say?" He asked.

I had already made up my mind.  I wasn't going to tell him over the phone.  This was something that had to be said face to face.  I only had one shot at it, and I needed to be able to see his reaction.  I needed to be there with him.  I felt it was imperative.  I wanted to blurt it out, but I kept myself calm. We were two days from Valentine's Day and I knew that we'd see each other soon.  I decided I would wait till then to tell him.  I calmly explained to him that I would let him know the news on Valentine's Day.  That way we could talk about things.  He wasn't too thrilled that he had to wait another two days, but I knew I had to be there in front of him looking into his eyes.

We had made a disaster of things and threw a wrench into our plans for life.  I carried this burden alone for the next two days while grapplling with the urge to pick up the phone and tell him everything.  In those that short time fear rose up in me about the possibility of his reaction being less than noble.  After all, we weren't married.  What if the responsibility scared him away?  Then it dawned on me that it was just another consequence of being an unwed mother.  There was nothing telling him that he was obligated to stay.  We had been dating for over a year but now that seemed like an insignificant amount of time.  Did we really know each other that well?  He was twenty-one and I was seventeen.

Valentine's Day came and all I can remember was that I was a nervous wreck.  We were supposed to dine at a restaurant.  I honestly don't remember if we ever made it to the restaurant that night.  Shortly after he picked me up he pulled over to the side of the road.  He explained to me that he had to know and couldn't wait another moment.

I grabbed a hold of his hands and turned to face him.  We looked into each other's eyes and I said it...

"Babe, You and I are going to have a baby."

He hugged me.  He hugged me tight.  We were both shaking.  I knew how he felt for I had been there only two days prior.

Shock.

Fear.

Worry.

Yet, he kissed me and told me he loved me.  He reassured me that we'd get through this together,  that he'd stay by my side, and everything would be okay (sigh of relief).  Suddenly I felt like we could do anything, as long as we were together.

He then said something that startled me.  He told me he absolutely didn't want me telling my parents anything without him.  He wanted to take them to dinner and tell them face to face.  He wanted us to tell them together.  The thought had never occurred to me so I was a little taken aback.  I nervously smiled and agreed.  It made me love him more.  He was going to face my parents, and I wouldn't have to do it alone (even bigger sigh of relief).

While his reaction was better than I had hoped for, it wasn't nearly as good as it could have been if we  had been a few years older and married.  We had robbed each other of well wishes, heart-felt congratulations, and tears of joy.  It was becoming more and more apparent why we should have waited to have sex.  I now realized that he was meant for me, always meant for me...but we had messed with God's plan.  If we had waited and did things the way God wanted us to we wouldn't be in the position we were in.  Now we had to figure out how we would look our parents in the eyes, and break their hearts.

"But they soon forgot what he had done and did not wait for his plan to 

unfold.  In the desert they gave in to their craving; in the wilderness they put God to the test."

Psalm 106:13-14

To learn about how I found out I was going to be a mom click here.

the first of many posts...

So let me get right down to it...I was a teen mom.  I had my first-born child at the age of eighteen.  I gave birth to my son four months after I graduated High School in October of the year 1997.  I was frightened beyond belief, overwhelmed, ashamed, and excited all at the same time.  I had the weight of the world on my shoulders and felt an immediate sense of responsibility.  The irony of the situation was that I was a child having a child.

If you do the math you will find that I was about 5 months pregnant when I graduated.  I was that girl that nobody thought would get pregnant.  I couldn't even believe it myself.  Maybe that is even you today as you read.  I felt an incredible amount of pressure.  I dealt with the anticipation of shaming my parents (and seeing it come to fruition).  I dealt with the uncomfortable glare and snide remark in the school hallway.  Above all else, I heard and felt negativity coming at me from all directions.  What an incredible emotional burden to take on while expecting your first child and all that comes with that alone.

I am going to save you the suspense and jump right to end of my story.  I have a happy ending.  Don't get me wrong, it was not by my own doing and I had plenty of bumps and scratches along the way.  My story is a true-story about how life isn't necessarily doomed after a teen pregnancy and how things will always work out with God's help.  Embark with me on my journey of love, enlightenment, and remarkable discoveries.  We will be diving into learning experiences together and learning the purpose behind them.  I can't wait to know you all better and hear your personal stories too.

Thank you for following "Victoriously Me"

Natalie