how I fell in love at sixteen

"You don't know what love is"

"You are too young to understand"

"You're too young to settle down"

That's what I heard as a teenager and guess what?  They were right.  At sixteen I was caught in a whirlwind of emotions and like most teens I thought I had it all figured out.  At that age you feel like you can conquer the world and that anything is possible.  You have your entire life ahead of you and you're young enough to change your mind a few times.

Here is the thing about love.  It defies everything that makes sense.  It stops you dead in your tracks.  It throws you a curve ball and just like that all your plans are out the window.  I was in love at sixteen.  I didn't go out looking for it.  In fact, I can remember telling him that I had no interest in having a boyfriend.  I didn't want to be tied down.  I was just starting my junior year in high school and I had plans for my life.  However, love trumps life.

I met my future husband at a party.  It was a party that I hadn't even planned on going to, but my parents wouldn't allow my little sister to attend without me.  A mutual friend introduced us and while it wasn't exactly fireworks, there was definitely a solid chemistry.  Have you ever met someone and felt like you have known them for years?  That was us.  Conversation flowed, butterflies ensued, and the rest was history.  He was different.  He was my ideal.  The more we talked, the more we found we had in common and we became instant friends.  I was going to church, and he was willing to go with me and we even prayed together.  It was all looking so promising.

Then entered compromise...

With the intense feelings came the willingness to jeopardize things.  That's where we stumbled and fell.  We started lying, sneaking, and doing everything else we weren't supposed to... and it was all for the sake of love.  As you already know, you can't go on forever making the wrong choices.  Eventually it catches up to you and God reveals your secrets.  He teaches you a lesson.  I was about to learn mine at seventeen and by way of an unplanned pregnancy.  Jesus has a way of intervening when we start putting things (whether plans or people) before Him.  Sometimes it takes a slap to get your attention.

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.  Later on, however, it produces

a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."

Hebrews 12:11

See, God wanted me to remember my first love.  He was my first love and I should have been obedient to Him and seeking HIS will in my life, not my own.  He used my teen pregnancy to get my eyes back on Him.  I wish I could say the shift in my attention was immediate.  No, I'm afraid it took years of Him disciplining me.  My pregnancy was just the starting off point.

"Stern discipline awaits anyone who leaves the path;

the one who hates correction will die."

Proverbs 15:10

If that verse seems harsh then that is because the truth hurts.  If we don't heed correction we will die in our sin.  We will be consumed by chaos and choked out by our own pride.  God offers us peace if we would only accept His gift and turn from our messy, thoughtless, selfish ways.  I thank Jesus for being so patient with me.  I'm so grateful that at seventeen He reminded me that TRUE love was Him dying on a cross so that I could live.  You see,  it is true.  Love trumps life.  His love most definitely trumps mine.

source

Thank you for reading.  See you again soon!

Natalie

Linking up at #TellHisStory

the shame I felt being a pregnant teen

No one tells you about the intense feeling of shame that overwhelms you when you find out that you are pregnant at seventeen.  It has a crippling effect and at times it can take your breath away.  You're embarrassed because now you have to reveal to the world that you made a mistake.  You had unprotected sex (against your better judgment) and now you have to pay the price.

I understand that the circumstances behind each teen-pregnancy is different.  Some girls are in love, others barely know the father of the child, some get pregnant on purpose,  and others are sadly forced to have intercourse against their will.  The list goes on and on.  This is simply my story, and it's one out of millions.  I don't think I'm alone when I say that "shame" is a feeling that most teen mothers experience.

I remember being frightened about all of the uncertainties of life.  I did't know how my parents would react, or my how my boyfriend's family would take the news.  Neither one of us was employed, and I was still in high school.  How were we going to support our baby?  Like flood-waters the problems rushed in.  The doubt and fear was almost unbearable.  All I wanted to do was curl up into a ball on the floor and imagine my problems would miraculously disappear.  As we all know, life doesn't work that way.  We either fight, or we give-up.  It came to my surprise to learn that I'm a fighter.  I would fight for my new family.  I would take responsibility for my actions and I would provide for my baby.  This was my life and nothing was going to change it so I had to make the best of it.  We all have choices to make and I could either let the shame destroy me, or I could let it drive me.  I could prove to my family and friends that my circumstances wouldn't defeat me.

My mind was willing but what I didn't know yet was that my flesh wouldn't be up to the task.  My heart needed an immense amount of healing and my life wouldn't succeed without help from the One who was ultimately in charge.  I would be a child flung into an adult world and I was equipped with nothing more than some adolescent emotions and a young man of twenty-one that I was hoping would be my Knight in Shining Armor.  This kind of naive idealism was setting me up for plenty of disappointments.

My saving Grace had come before all this...before I was pregnant, before I met my boyfriend.  It had begun with a prayer that I had said in faith in sincerity.  It began when I was fifteen, and maybe even before then.  My story had already been written, and God would be using my teen pregnancy to grow me.  For it is written...

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."  

                                              Genesis 50:20  NIV

The sin of having sex before I was married was what satan had intended on using to destroy me.  The temptation and compromise I was lured into was supposed to diminish my hope and make me feel so ashamed that there would be no way that God would take me back into His loving arms.  Why would He?  I was a mess.  The enemy is a liar and his only agenda is to make us feel like unwanted, unloved, unworthy things that can't possibly be forgiven for our mistakes.  But God says...

"Do not be afraid: you will not be put to shame.  Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.  You will forget the shame of your youth..."

Isaiah 54:4  NIV

God's plan for our lives is so much more than we can dream up ourselves.  Let Him grow you and mold you.  There is no shame in Christ, only love.

Be blessed!
Natalie