the day my life changed - part two

To read part one...click here


"This can't be happening"

Those were my thoughts on the drive back to my house.  My mascara was long gone and my eyes were pink and swollen from the tears.

My friend was visibly nervous and as she drove I spilled my guts.  I told her how I was wrong and how now my life was changed because of bad choices.  My entire perspective had shifted in the time between the drive to the clinic and the drive home.  No longer was I laughing about our boyfriends and the teenage troubles.  Now I had REAL problems.  My future was cast before my eyes and it looked pretty bleak.  She listened as reality hit me dead on.  I'm sure she was feeling pretty grateful she wasn't me at that particular moment.

As we pulled up to my house, I remember I told her to rethink her relationship and to be careful.  I told her to stop having unprotected sex or she could end up just like me.  I wish I could tell you that those words effected her.  I believe it was just a year later that she ended up pregnant herself.  We said our goodbyes, she wished me luck, and she told me she'd see me at school.

I collected myself and tried to wipe away any evidence of crying from my face as I walked up to the house.  From that moment on it was now about hiding my "little secret".  I walked straight into my room careful to avoid anyone and hoped they wouldn't see me.  Lucky for me the house seemed empty.

I sat on my bed and my mind began to be bombarded with thoughts.  I felt nauseated and dizzy.  I was sweating, nervous, and my head was pounding.  I thought of my boyfriend Anthony.  He had no idea he was going to be a daddy.  I made up my mind then and there that I'd break the news to him gently and it would be in person.  Even though I wanted someone to talk to more than anything I couldn't bear giving him this kind of news over the phone.  I loved him and I wanted to be there with him.  I touched my tummy.  I was scared...so scared but I knew that I already loved this baby.  There was life inside of me and I would protect it.

My mind then went to a scary place.  I couldn't get my mind off of my parents.  I was so frightened that they'd yell at me when they found out.  I imagined that they would kick me out and disown me.  My parents that had been so good to me were now this looming threat.  How could I look them in the eyes?  How could I betray their trust?  I remember my Mom questioning me once or twice about how serious things were getting with Anthony.  I had lied.  The thought of my parents forbidding me to see him was unbearable.  My stomach turned as the room began to spin out of control.

I heard footsteps approaching the bedroom door and then my little sister walked in.  I say little but she was only a couple of years younger than I.  All it took was one look and she stopped dead in her tracks knowing immediately that something was amiss.  Unfortunately, I was never good at hiding my emotions.  I quickly asked her to shut the door.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

She sat next to me as I let it all out and burst into tears.  Her eyes widened as she hugged me.  She listened in stunned silence as I cried and she patted my back as I explained what I had just experienced a short hour ago.

"You can't say a word.  Not a single word to anyone" I cried.

She promised she wouldn't and I could see in her eyes that she knew I meant serious business.  She sat there and tried comforting me the best she could.  I quickly realized that if I hadn't been able to hide it from my sister then the chances of me hiding it from my parents was very slim.  It then became about pretending like nothing was wrong till I could find the right time to tell them.  First things first, I had to figure out how I was going to tell my boyfriend that he was going to be a Father.

Please stop in again soon to read about how I told my boyfriend and parents about my "little news".

Thank you for taking the time to read,
Be blessed.
Natalie